My Reality Check

About two months ago, I found out that I would be working in DC this summer. After I had gotten home from college for the summer, I was driving around with my mom one day. I realized I would be in DC for the 4th of July and turned to ask my mom what I should do to celebrate the holiday. She patiently reminded me that I would be IN the nations capital to celebrate our nations independence, and it might be appropriate to celebrate the holiday in the city. Clearly...I don't always think before I speak :)

This past weekend, I finally got that opportunity to be in DC for the 4th. Incase I didn't realize before...that specific holiday is kind of a big deal around here :) The picture on the right is a picture I took from my phone of the fireworks we watched on the National Mall. This was one of the smaller fireworks. All I can say is that the entire experience was breathtaking. There were festivals going on, the Smithsonian hours were extended, the Capitol hosted a concert that was great and the day concluded with fireworks over the Lincoln Memorial that were (literally) larger than the Washington Monument. After serving in the city, it was such a great break to be able to be a tourist and enjoy the festivities that the city provided.

After the concert at the Capitol, most of the staff took a public bus back to the church. We were sitting at the bus stop and laughing so hard, I almost cried. As we were enjoying this time, I looked about a hundred feet to my left. It was night time, and at first, I only saw a highway overpass. When I did a double-take, I saw movement under the overpass. Looking closely, I noticed a man moving around. All of a sudden, I understood. He was preparing his bed for the night. He had a bed that he was going to lay on, and he was moving his makeshift pillows to create a more comfortable area where he could rest his head.

As I took this in, my heart broke. All of the celebrations that we had just enjoyed were pushed to the back of my mind, and I was so sad for this man. It was a visual I don't think I will forget. My thoughts as I reflected on this sight were that I could not be sad. I could only learn from this visual. It was a remarkable lesson to me that my ministry should not ever take a break. It is not wrong for me to enjoy a holiday. It is also not right for me to live irresponsibly with the knowledge I now have of the injustice that daily takes place. I was allowed a break on the fourth to enjoy the company of the staff and friends I am allowed to work with this summer. As much as God allowed that time for me, and enjoyed our fellowship, I am confident that his heart also broke as he watched that man prepare his bed that night.

Needless to say, I know that I can not live with regret at the sight that I saw. I can learn from it, and be appreciative that God selected me at that moment to teach me a lesson. It is something I greatly appreciated and will be intentional in not forgetting.

(Yet Another) Curveball

I am absolutely convinced that I might be one of God's biggest amusements. Let me explain :)

This week, I don't have a group. I'm still technically 'on-call,' and my official title is 'a floater.' What does this entail? There are 3 hosts at Star (the church we're staying at) this week, and they are co-hosting one big group from Michigan. There are 3 more hosts that are living at different CSM sites in the city and hosting there own groups. Then there's Ashley and I. We are still living at Star. We just don't have groups that we can host and bring around the city.

When I was first informed that I had the week (for the most part) off, I was kind of flustered. I signed up to work this summer. I didn't know what I was going to do with my next 5 days. I am comfortable hosting, and I love my job. It makes me excited, and even though there's always twists and turns, I know what to expect. Yet again, I became comfortable with where I was, and God stripped me of that.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. As I go about this coming week, I don't really know what to expect. I don't have a schedule planned out for me. I won't have the luxury of knowing what work sites I will be at during any given day. I do know this is a week where I will learn. I also know that God had this planned all along. He knew that I would become comfortable hosting groups. He also knew that he would have to give me a week without a group, so that I could be reminded of why I am here.

I'm not here to serve the groups that I host. I'm not even here to serve the city of Washington DC. I'm here to serve my God. The context of serving him, and the people I serve may change at any given instance, but the God I am serving will remain constant. That is a promise I can speak of and know will remain true. God has called me to serve him, and in doing that, he has called me to serve those that are closest to me. Last week, this meant that I was supposed to serve my Texas group, and the sites I attended. This week, I am called to spend time with God and serve the staff. They are who God has placed closest to me for this time, and they are who I will serve.

To sum it up, God is ironic, and never bores me. I'm ALWAYS learning from him. On the flip side, I'm sure my reactions never bore him either :)

The Little Things

Our staff meetings are usually on Sunday afternoons at 2 pm, and we meet until groups start to arrive around 4 pm. This week, after our official staff meeting was over, I found out that I don't have a group (that story calls for another post :). BUT, I did get a wonderful surprise at the same time.

In the picture at the top of this post, is...another picture. If you look closely, it's a framed picture with writing around the framework. The picture is me, stuck in the middle of my Texas group from last week, sitting in front of Ben's Chili Bowl. This picture was taken on our free night. Free night, last week was on Thursday night. This is usually a time when the youth group will go out into the city to have a turn as tourists. It's also a time for the CSM to have a night to relax, and 'recharge' ourselves.

However, last week, I enjoyed this group so much that, when they asked if I would spend my free night with them, I had to say yes. They went to Ben's for dinner, and I joined, with one of the other hosts from the staff this summer. This dinner was one of my favorite memories from this summer so far. There were 16 of us total, and I think at least half of us laughed so hard we cried. There were no big lessons learned, or any specific 'God-moments.' It was just a time of joy and celebration. It was such a pure demonstration to me of Christian community, where we could laugh and enjoy a GREAT meal together. At the end of the meal, we took a group picture in front of Ben's, but I never thought I'd be able to see that picture.

After our staff meeting, I heard voices in our hallway. I walked out to the hallway, and my group was there. They had stayed the weekend to celebrate the 4th of July, and I met up with them yesterday to spend more time with them. Today, they came back to the church to drop off this picture. They told me that they had printed up the picture and signed the frame so that I could remember my week with them.

This was such a small act of kindness. But, I can't explain how much it really meant to me. I was so moved that they would put this effort in. I wouldn't have wanted any other gift from them. I didn't expect this frame, but I can promise I will cherish it. It was such an encouragement to me to have a physical reminder of my group from Texas. Their words of encouragement were amazing to me. All that I could respond with was a thank you, and a promise that this frame will DEFINITELY be going up in my dorm :)

Broken and Blameless

Last night, to wind down my week with Texas, I had to think of a 'topic' for the debrief we were going to have. I was starting to worry. I was afraid that I didn't have a good way to wind down our week in a way that would challenge them as they went home. It became even more complicated when I realized I wanted to challenge them, yet still let them see how proud I was of the work they'd done.

I started thinking about James 1:27. This is not an unfamiliar verse to me. My family, and my church have talked about this verse while I was growing up. It states, 'Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.'

As I was thinking through this verse, I was also thinking about how I would define my group. I loved the Texas group. I got along with them exceptionally well. Our personalities matched perfectly, and I looked forward to working with them every day. Because we got along so well, I also got to know them better than the other groups I have had. The more I got to know them, the more I saw how broken they really were.

Each person that I spoke with, and got to know better showed me a side of brokenness that they held inside. Whether it was a physical brokenness, like 4 concussions, poor choices made in dating relationships, or issues of pride, this group made themselves vulnerable to me.

As I was taking the time to reflect on my group, I had two realizations. I realized that I fit right in. I have my mistakes, my history and my own issues that I struggle with. I also realized that James 1:27 was the perfect was for us to close our week together.

What James 1:27 showed Texas and I, is that despite all of our brokenness (and trust me, there was a lot), when we were working together last week, we were pure and blameless.

This verse doesn't promise that when we serve others we are cleansed of our own personal histories, mistakes and issues. It doesn't say that accepting Jesus as my savior means that I start out with a clean slate. But, it DOES mean that when I bring my broken self to God and say, 'put me to work,' as long as I am working in the name of God and practicing THAT sort of religion, I am pure and faultless.

As I was sharing this with the group, it was so cool to come to this understanding together. We realized that last week, as we devoted each day to looking after the orphans and the widows, and doing our best to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world, we spent a week as broken people, who at the same time, were pure and faultless. That's an irony that only our God could allow to happen :)

I'm Sorry If You Think I'm Rude But...

My group this week is from Texas. They're awesome. I wasn't sure what to expect out of a small, baptist youth group from Texas. In fact, I was a bit nervous. So far, they have only broken stereotypes and surprised me.

Last night, we did our prayer tour. It's the first activity that we do with our groups every week as they arrive. It's a 2 hour drive around DC, where they are able to see every aspect of the city. They see the monuments, the government buildings, the ritzy neighbors, embassy row, and the poorer areas of the city. The point of this tour is for them to be able to understand the stark contrasts in the city.

Our tour last night ended in Anacostia. Anacostia is the predominant neighborhood in Southeast, the section of the city that I have blogged about before. Southeast struggles with crime, poverty and a reputation as 'an area not to go to.'

As we were outside of a Black, Catholic church in Anacostia that overlooks downtown DC, my group heard something that sounded similar to gunshots. They then watched a couple cops with their sirens drive past the church we were standing outside of. I'm not convinced that that is what the sound was. There had been fireworks going on earlier, and I haven't been near gunshots before, so it doesn't seem to be the origin of the sound. Regardless, my groups imagination went wild, assumptions were made, and they were shaken up.

Another area that we drove by on our tour was K Street. K Street is a predominant location for the sex-trafficking industry in DC. It's interesting because K Street is located in the financial district, near a lot of the upscale restaurants in the city. It is the same place where a lot of powerful people will dine regularly. It is seems a bit 'ironic' that one of the streets in DC with a lot of upscale restaurants also struggles with sex trafficking.

During our debrief tonight, the youth group leaders and I were asking the kids about what had shaken them up, what had opened their eyes, and what they were glad that they saw during our tour. A large emphasis was placed on the 'gunshots' that were heard. After awhile, it became a bit repetitive and redundant.

Finally, one girl stepped up and prefaced her statement with, "I'm sorry if you think I'm rude but..."

Before I go on, I have to say. Her honesty was so appreciated. What she had to say was straight from her heart, it was on target, and it was genuine. The way she spoke was a reminder of how to go about accountability in a gentle, but firm way.

She went on to tell the group that she essentially thought that their focus, and their priorities were wrong. She said that she heard them speaking about their fear of these 'gunshots' rather than their fear of the well-being of the city that they were called to love this week. She explained that a lot of the things that the group was saying troubled them, had to do with their own well-being. She went on to remind them that, this week, they are not in DC for their own well being. They are hear to met the needs of the neighborhood of Anacostia. She also reminded them that, if they stopped speaking of their fear of safety, and started worrying about the people they were called to serve, their need for safety would be met in that process.

This girl was exceptional in her understanding as to why she is here this week. The best part about her reminder was that, as soon as she was done speaking, the group got it. They understood that they needed to stop thinking about themselves, and they had to start thinking about the people of DC, and the poverty they are living in. The youth group is here to try and meet the emergency needs of the poor, destitute and homeless.

I'm so excited to work with this group. Their work ethic is awesome, they have a GREAT sense of humor, and they know why they're here. To top it off, they are already reminding me why I am here, and they are helping to keep my priorities straight. It's gonna be a good week :)

Home Is Where the Heart Is

This morning, on my way back from church, I decided that the phrase "Home is where the heart is" is a serious point of conflict for me right now.

Since I have gotten to DC, I've made two observations about this phrase, and how it relates to my life.
1.) I wish my family was here to experience this summer with me. My heart is with my family, and it would be so cool if my 'home' could be here to see DC the way that I am able to see it this summer.
2.) The more I'm getting plugged into DC, it's landscape, the staff I'm working with, and the church I'm attending, the more I'm realizing that my heart is also with the city of DC.

This creates a serious dilemma. The picture of my family and I that I posted is also kept in my room, as a part of a care package that my mom sent to me. When I opened up the pictures that she mailed to me, my first instinct was to share all of the pictures with anyone in the room. I love my family and am so proud to show them off. Seeing pictures of the times I have spent with them puts a smile on my face, and it is a great reminder of how my heart truly is with them, no matter what part of the country I'm in.

The picture of the Washington Monument was taken from my phone last night. I was standing at the bus stop, waiting for my bus to arrive and looked up to see this view. As I saw it, I stood in awe. I don't think I'm going to get sick of seeing the beauty that exists in this city. Whether it is the kindness of the people, the architecture in the apartments, or the monuments that testify to the history of our country, I am continually placed in a state of amazement as I observe my surroundings.

I don't have a solution as to where 'home' is right now. I know that my heart is with my family. My heart is with DC, and my heart is also with God. He has been my bridge to allow these two worlds to collide. I guess if I were to take this phrase literally, my home is not a stable building. I'm a bit of a drifter at the moment. But, my heart is resting with the people that matter most to me. Whether it is my family and friends back north, or the people in this city, and it is always resting with my God. And for right now, I wouldn't have it any other way :)

A Visit From a Friend :)

The picture on the left is a picture of Cami, with her husband Stefan, and their two kids, Micah and Mandy. I creeped this picture off her facebook page :) Cami plays a lot of roles in my life. She is first and foremost a wonderful friend to me. She is also a role model. She is an R.D at Gordon, but not my R.D. When I am at school, she substitutes as a sort of second-mom to me until I get to be around my mom. She gives the best hugs. This summer, she agreed to sign up to mentor to me while I am here at CSM, meaning that she has committed to pray for me and check up on me throughout the summer.

Cami and I met because of the Lacrosse team. It's a long story, but it is very clear that our friendship was designed by God. During this past season, Cami and I began to know each other better as the season progressed and we were at each game together. Throughout the spring semester, we began to meet weekly to pray for the team, and as this weekly prayer progressed, so did our friendship. Cami has been wonderful in showing me how to love people without hesitating. While I am at school, her family welcomes me with open arms. Stefan is wonderful, and I adore her two kids.

They are currently taking a 6 week roadtrip around the USA. Yes, they are crazy. As part of their trip, they stopped by DC for the afternoon to say hi. We were able to go to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, grab Frozen Yogurt, and have a drive-through tour of the city.

I don't have a huge lesson for this blog post, to share what I learned. I just want to be able to remember, as I read these posts at the end of the summer, about the wonderful afternoon I had today. Cami did not have to stop by DC. But, her taking a couple of hours to say Hi to me will carry much further than a couple of hours. The effort she put in will last as I return to school and get excited to see her family again.

All in all, today was a great day, and I feel very rested. I got to talk to Josh for a little bit on my bus ride back from downtown to the Church, and it made me miss home, in a good way :) Tonight, I get to rest and watch Invictus with the rest of the staff, and I'm looking forward to it, until church in the morning :) Sweet dreams!