Homelessness and Lacrosse

Sometimes, I think that God has given me my passions just so that he can have a good laugh. This week, I took some time to step back and think about where God has really placed his heart in me. As I was thinking, three words flashed through my head: Inner City and Lacrosse.

This blog is a clear testament to the fact that I love working in the inner city. Sometimes, the people I work with are a little rough on the outside. Sometimes, they're rough on the inside too. I'm not always placed in the safest situations, but I'm o.k. with that. Psalm 91 reminds me I'm being watched over. I'm not always around people that look like me. And it's not uncommon to talk to someone who suffers from addiction, or broken relationships and to see that as much as I love them, they may never change.

BUT, I also meet people every day who are changing my life. I experience unconditional love in a way that I've never seen it before. I meet the victors who have lived through everything life has thrown at them, and I've heard their stories of triumph. I see the staff I'm working with push through exhaustion to continue to patiently love the teens we work with. And I see people who have nothing to offer share everything they have.

I can not deny that I am passionate for my job. I love it.

For anyone who does not know, this past semester I started a prayer ministry for the Men's Lacrosse team at Gordon, with help from their coach and one of my mentors. At times, the team was frustrating. I was irritated with some of their daily choices. Their attitudes got to me. I see so much potential in them.

BUT, just like with the homeless ministries, the good far outweighed the bad. I heard stories that only God could orchestrate from players of the team. As I prayed for them daily, I knew that there were 30 other girls on campus praying for at least one player every day. I saw the teams attitudes on the field begin to mirror the attitude of Christ. And I watched some of the team start to understand that they are leaders with influence on campus. Their coach played a large part in this, with the example that he set forth for his team. And as prayer was poured into the team, they began to follow their coaches example.

What am I getting at? Just like I can not deny that God has shared a little bit of his heart with me for the homeless, the poor, and the broken in the inner city, I can not deny that God has shared a little bit of his heart with me for the Lacrosse team at school. When I take the time to actually think through this, it BLOWS me away. These two groups of people could NOT be more different. But, I love them both the same. Both have hurt me, and both have taken me in and loved me. In turn, I have promised both of them that I will love them unconditionally, and I will never cease to pray for them.

This unconditional love is something that I know I can only have received from God. And it floors me that if he let me love both of them, he can only love them so much more than I can fathom. If he can love these two extremes through me, he must be able to love everyone inbetween with this same unconditional love. I don't know how he does it, and I don't want to know. I like that right now, I have the luxury of stepping back and being amazed by the extremes of his love. It puts a smile on my face, and it gives me the encouragement I need to keep walking in the middle of his love :)

My Beauty and the Beast Moment

The day before I came to Washington DC, I decided to watch Beauty and the Beast. It's a classic, and I hadn't watched it in years. I figured I was due for another viewing of this Disney fairytale. Not much has changed since the last time I watched this movie. I was just as fascinated, and I still sang along to all the words :)

When my Dad came home, I told him that Disney hit a home run with Beauty and the Beast. He patiently explained that he has been trying to tell me that for years. He also told me that when I was growing up, I reminded him of Belle. He said that it had to do with my obsession with reading, just like Belle. With friends, I always stayed a little bit on the 'outside' because, that's where I'm comfortable. My thoughts after that comment were, "If I'm Belle...then where's my beast?"

Yesterday, my group served at a ministry site called Thrive DC. Thrive typically feeds around 150 people breakfast every morning. My job to help them prepare for yesterday was to put the cherries, that are in the picture, into 150 bowls. Let me just say, these cherries were legit. They were fresh picked from a local farm and they had been donated to Thrive. They still had the leaves attached to some of their stems, and they were delicious. As people began to come up and take their cherries, I realized that I would not have wanted to serve these cherries to anyone else. Most of the people I was serving put the biggest smile on my face. They were warm, funny and engaging. They made me so happy, and could not thank us enough for the food they were being given for breakfast.

As I was putting the cherries together, I realized that I had found 'my beast.' In the movie, the beast is a bit cliche. When Belle begins to love on the Beast, his response is kindness. At first, he doesn't know how to treat her because he is unaccustomed to her attitude. But, as she perseveres, he responds by giving to her as well.

When my thoughts after I had watched the movie were, 'where's my beast?' I had been thinking about a boy. Yesterday, it was so cool to see that God had my 'beast' be a group of people that were better than a guy. The people that I encountered at Thrive did not always know how to react to our love. They sometimes responded with bitterness, or anger. But, as my group and I persevered, their attitudes slowly changed. They transformed from people that were homeless and bitter to a group of welcoming, and funny people. The only change was that instead of treating them rudely, we loved them. By the time a lot of them were leaving, they came over to our group and said that they hoped they would be seeing us again.

This whole experience was so exciting. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the fact that for right now, the people that I get to love are the people who attend our ministry sites. They make my days worth it. I love them with an unconditional love that I can't explain, and I'm so glad that I have been lucky enough to be able to get to know them. They may seem to be 'my beast' at first, but the more time I spend with them, the more beautiful they become :)

I Miss My Mountain

This may seem a bit whiny...but bear with me :) Last week was tough. There's no need to be extensive on why, because I have already blogged about that. Let me share my biggest challenge this week.

My biggest challenge for this week is that it is easy. At least so far. Everything is going smoothly, and there have been no major issues, obstacles, or challenges and it's KILLING me! Last week was so challenging, but it was also filled with so much dependency. As the week became progressively more challenging, my need to depend on God became stronger at the same time. I reached a point last week where I had no choice but to turn to God to handle each day, because I was not going to be able to make it on my own. And the blessings, as well as the joy that came from that were more amazing than I could have ever expected. Living day by day having to trust God was the more uplifting experience. I spent everyday last week in awe that he not only brought me through last week, but helped me to come out victorious, so that I could in turn give the credit to him.

This week, it's a bit of a different story. Each day is going fine, to the point that I don't need God. This means that I do need to remember him. This week it has been easy to breeze through the days not having to give glory to him, because I'm not needing to turn to him at every moment. It's surprising to me that if I had a choice, I would love to change this week to bring me to that point of challenge so that I could regain that dependency. It's confusing to me, because it's not logical. All that I know is that, each day, I have had to remain very conscientious that I need to spend time with my God. When I do, it's well worth it.

It's amazing to me that I can start to understand why so many people in difficult experiences have such joy. I got a sampling of the joy that is experienced through dependency last week, and now that I'm not in that state, I miss it. I guess my new challenge is to see the joy that can be experienced in the mundane day to day, rather than the miracles that shine to glorify my God.

And My Refuge Is...

I think that the most important lessons I have learned throughout my life have arisen in the midst of the most difficult circumstances. This past week has proven to be no exception.

As Ashley and I were talking about our week, we also discussed the numerous emotions we experienced. At points I felt afraid, confused, scared, and even nervous. At other points, I felt excited, proud of our group, victorious, and I always felt joyful. The one emotion that never left was peace. I don't understand, but I know that last week, I never experienced feeling stressful, and I always had an underlying sense of peace.

Throughout this past week, I have learned one thing for sure...I am NOT in Hopkinton (or at Gordon) anymore. It has been proven to me that doors cannot be left unlocked, cars can not be left unwatched and material possessions can never go unguarded. When one of our groups was talking to the Fire Department and shared that we were staying in Anacostia, the firemen told us that they were nervous for us and that we needed to be careful. (Don't worry mom...I'm safe, I promise :)

The point is, for the first time in my life, I don't have a place that I can call 'home' and go to when I don't feel secure. I don't have a dorm room, or a house where I can leave things unguarded and trust that they will be there when I return. As this hit me, the Psalms came to my mind. As I browsed through the Psalms, Psalm 91 in particular resonated with me. Particularly the phrase: "The Lord is my refuge."

Reading through this passage, I was able to understand the Psalmist's perspective. The few verses that stuck out to me in particular were 2, 4, 7 and 8.

These passages show me that for this summer, I do not have a shelter where I am always secure. I don't have a family right next to me all the time, and that's hard. But, I DO have my God. As new obstacles arose daily, I promise to find my refuge in the Lord. And as I turned to him, he responded with a peace that surpassed my understanding. I watched bizarre, and awful things happen. Yet, in the midst of that, my God protected me. Although these things came near me, he never let me be touched. I am confident that my protection is a result of my obedience to be in DC this summer.

I can now say that I am confident that obstacles will come in an effort to scare me and halt the work that CSM is doing. I am also confident that when I turn to my God, he will bring me through these obstacles, and provide me with a peace that won't make sense. Psalm 91 promises me that danger will come near me if I am pursuing the work of the Lord. Psalm 91 also promises me that as this danger comes near me, it will not touch me, because I am living under a shadow of protection.

Being able to look back over this past week, I can say that I wouldn't trade my obstacles for the world, because they provided me with a joy that I have never experienced before. They refined me, and tested me. Despite it all, one thing that I can say with confidence, is that no matter where I am...The Lord is my refuge, in whom I trust :)

Bring It On

This week has been absolutely amazing. I have learned more lessons this week than I thought I would learn all summer. It has also been a series of unfortunate events. The crazy part is, I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Everything that happened was so bizarre that it was hysterical. Let me explain :)

Sunday-Before we had finished our orientation, our dinner got cancelled. CSM plans to bring groups to different ethnic restaurants every night they're here. We ended up at IHOP. To top it all of...we got lost on our prayer tour that night. My van ended up 45 minutes into Virginia.

Monday-We got stuck outside in (literal) downpours. While we were stuck outside, we got a call that we had no power at our apartment.

Tuesday-One of our work sites cancelled, so we found out our whole schedule had to be changed for Wednesday, but it wasn't anything we couldn't handle :)

Wednesday-One of our two 12 passenger vans was stolen. I'm not kidding. I ended up watching 10 high school kids while leaders figured insurance-issues out. While me and the 10 kids were standing on a street corner waiting to get picked up, our group witnessed a homeless man being beaten and mugged a couple feet away from us. Fortunately, by the grace of God, between these two incidents, no one was harmed and everyone was ok.

Thursday-I had to work on a farm. Enough said.

I wouldn't exchange this past week for the world. As each trial arose, I was able to watch the 'true colors' of our group, as well as my co-host come out. Everyone handled each obstacle with grace and patience. There were times where I felt shaken up, or nervous, but I never felt stressed, and I can fully credit my group with that. They were so wonderful.

My other blessing was that my Dad provided me with such strong words of encouragement. He patiently worked through all of my questions and answered any issues I had. I'll write more later...for now I'm tired. But at the very least, I can say that I learned two lessons.
1.) As dad said-"The more I let God work through me, the more God will work in me :)" and
2.) The Lord is absolutely my refuge, no matter where I am :)

My First Mix of Sociology and Jesus

On Tuesday, my group had volunteered at S.O.M.E (So Others Might Eat). SOME just might be my favorite ministry site. It is a site that 'meets the Immediate Needs of the poor, destitute and hungry.' They will provide anyone who shows up at their doors with a meal and a shower. They have other programs which include medical care, dentistry, counseling, rehabilitation, job-skills training and halfway housing. Their ultimate goal is to make the individuals who started out with immediate needs to be able to live on their own.

The reason that I respect SOME so much is because they demand respect from their clients, they work hard and run on a rigid schedule. They keep a clean environment and their attitudes are amazing. In return, they expect to be respected by the people that they serve. At times, they may seem 'too uptight.' They regulate portions, and are efficient. But, when they demand respect, it pays off. A lot of the staff that now works full time at SOME are graduates of their programs who, at one time had immediate needs that needed to be met. It's so cool to see that as SOME gives to these people, they in turn give back.

The day after we served at SOME, we served at a soup kitchen that provides meals to women in need of food. At this kitchen, their work is also amazing and their employees are incredible. The biggest difference that I noticed between this second site and SOME is that the second site went above and beyond to personally cater to the woman in their site. They took individual requests for their food, and always provided more than the women asked for.

Both of these sites are ministries in the city, but what do they have to do with sociology?

During our training, the President gave us a training session on how to help break the cycle of poverty while assisting the economically challenged, rather than to just provide food for a meal. One of the ways that he went about this was by giving us an example of a sociological idea that we could put into practice. It's something like this. If one person provides a second person with a gift, they have a relationship. BUT, once the first person provides the second person with a second gift, and expects nothing in return, the relationship is unbalanced, and creating a level of equality is (almost) impossible. The point behind it, is that if all we do is continually give, we create an unequal relationship. It automatically places 'us' at a higher level than 'them.' It makes those we are aiding (even though our intentions may be pure) think that they have nothing that they can give us that would be of equal value to whatever we are giving them.

It was fascinating to me to watch this play out. At SOME, they demand something in return from those they aid. They demand respect, cooperation and a certain level on conduct. As they build a relationship with these people, a lot of them come back to work for SOME and are crucial to their organization. At the other site, where much was given, and nothing was expected, it was seen in the attitudes of the people. They became picky, irritable and demanding in regards to what they were given. Not all of them were like this, but a substantial amount were.

It was a great reminder to me. It made me realize that as I go about my job this summer, I need to be receiving as much as I am giving. I need to listen to the stories of the individuals I meet, and I need to learn from them. I need to take what they have to give me, as they receive my gifts as well. They may not have material goods to give me, but a lot of them have life experiences that I don't have. And sometimes, those are even more priceless than any tangible gifts I could provide. If I can keep myself in check, I know I will be able to create relationships that can last for a lifetime.

A Memory of Dory the Fish

The first site that we worked at was a geriatric day care called Downtown Cluster. Downtown Cluster was formed around 20 years ago when the local church saw that the elderly in DC were being neglected. This site is wonderful, and provides entertainment, activities and workshops to Senior Citizens who daily attend their program.

One of the unique parts of Downtown Cluster is that it has a special program called 'The A-Team' (kind of like the movie...but they claim to have had dibs first). The A-Team works with Senior Citizens enrolled with the Downtown Cluster who struggle with Alzheimers. They do simple tasks with them, in an attempt to stimulate their brains and temporarily fight off the disease. It doesn't work permanently. On Monday, our teams task was to simply engage the adults with Alzheimers in conversation and make puzzles with them.

While we were at Downtown Cluster, half of our group left with the A-Team to go to a separate room and work with these adults. I stayed in the main room with the other half. Even though I wasn't able to work with the A-Team hands on, I was still able to have a few casual conversations with them throughout the morning. It really helped me to understand the severity of Alzheimers. I understood the concept of a 10 minute memory as I watched one unfold in front of me.

It was also at Downtown Cluster that I had my big 'teaching moment' of the day. One of the students that we brought with us was named Aaron, and he's an unbelievable pianist. Downtown Cluster had a piano in their main room, and Aaron quickly become a fan-favorite as he played Mozart and Beethoven for the adults by memory. As we were leaving, there was a request that Aaron play one more song as the rest of the group sang along. The song that was requested as the hymn, "All Creatures of Our God and King."

As our group sang, and Aaron played the piano, I was all of a sudden amazed. One of the women on the A-Team, who I had seen clearly struggling with Alzheimers was able to recite every lyric to this hymn from the first word to the last. I got goosebumps all over my arms as I realized that this woman must have so embedded these lyrics into her memory, that despite a disease (literally) eating away her memory, she was able to recite this song as it played for her.

As I was walking out of Downtown Cluster, having watched this woman sing along to an old hymn, I was struck with a question. What is so important to me, and so embedded in my memory that, if I were to have Alzheimers, I would still be able to recall? There is no scientific explanation that I know of that can explain why this woman could remember the lyrics to a hymn when she couldn't recall what she ate for breakfast. The only explanation that I could come up with is that this song, and the meaning behind it, were so important to her, that she remembered.

That morning, I had read Phillipians 2 as my devotions. This is a passage that I read regularly throughout my last semester, and put a high value in. My challenge to myself after experiencing the Downtown Cluster is to take what I place as having 'high value' and to embed it so far into my memory, that if I were to be in the A-Team's position one day, I would still be able to recall a passage such as Phillipians 2...because it means that much to me :)