Job 40 reads:
'The LORD said to Job, 'will he who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!'
Then Job answered the LORD, 'I am unworthy. How can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer. Twice, but I will say no more.'
Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. 'Brace yourself like a man, I will question YOU and YOU shall answer ME.'
Last night, I spent the fourth of July inside the church building by myself waiting for my group to get back. I elected to do it, but regardless, I was by myself. I went upstairs, called my Dad and cried that I was all alone. After he talked me off my ledge, I started crying and talking to God. Why was my first group so difficult? Why are their so many more obstacles this summer? Why am I so homesick? Why was last we so tough...can't I catch a break? Why is my asthma still bothering me? Why can't we have showers? Why are there cockroaches? Why do I feel a responsibility to take care of the staff...who is here to take care of me? Why am I so tired? Why do I have these rashes on my legs? Why did this week already start out with an issue? None of it is fair, last summer wasn't difficult, why is this summer so hard?
As I cried and felt so lonely, I went to look for a Bible to calm myself down. I couldn't find one. Who can't find a Bible in a church housing a Christian non-profit with 7 staff members living in the buliding? I can only credit it to divine intervention. Instead, I found a hymnal on the floor (I LOVE hymns) and found the hymn 'God Will Take Care of You' Although it's not directly scripture, I could not help by resonate with the lyrics:
'Be not dismayed whate'er betide. God will take care of you.
Beneath his wings of love abide. God will take care of you.
Through the days of toil, when heart doth fail. God will take care of you.
When dangers fierce your path asail. God will take care of you.
All you may need He will provide. God will take care of you.
Nothing you ask will be denied. God will take care of you.
No matter what may be the test. God will take care of you.
Lean, weary one upon His breast. God will take care of you.'
In the midst of exhaustion, knowing that God will take care of me sounded so simple. However, I think that when my life gets chaotic and difficulties accumulate, my vision gets so blurred that I forget my roots. When I get down to the bottom of everything, my answer is simple. God will take care of me, because God is God. It is so easy to play 'Job.' It's almost my natural default to look at God and say 'how could you?' In reality, my response to God should be 'because you're sovereign, I trust you. period' He's God. He has no need to explain himself. At the end of everyday, when I am alone, I am still resting in the presence of God, because despite my stubbornness and ignorance, He still loves me and spends all of His time with me. I found that it's only when I remember lyrics like the one above, which remind me that God has no intentions of hurting me that I find my rest. All of a sudden, all of my questions don't matter because I am walking alongside the Almighty God. He is a God of wrath, and a God of mery, but most importantly, He is a creator who has promised to protect His creation.
I never would have thought that a lonely fourth of July would be a blessing in disguise. It may have just been the only way that God could get my attention. No matter the reason, I am slowly being reminded this summer that my God is the God and that He loves me. I don't know why my summer has unfolded the way that it is. All I know is that my God is sovereign, and if He sees this summer as an acceptable way for me to be further refined into His image, I am ok with that, because my God will take care of me.
