'Come to Me'

Matthew 11:28 reads, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest"

This was one of those 'cliche' Christian verses I had memorize when I was growing up. Because it was such a cliche verse for me, I never took it seriously, but I can recite it at the drop of a dime. I remember growing up and being constantly reminded that if I were tired, all I had to do was go to God and He would let me rest.

In all honesty, looking back, I had no clue what that meant. Fortunately, the older I get, the more He teaches me (as if I'm getting more mature...), and this week He taught me about this verse.

This past semester at school has been wonderful, and God has found ways for himself to be glorified that I never could have foreseen. He has answered prayers and faithfully made sure that I made it through. On the flip side, it has been a really difficult semester. I have seen a lot of relationships tried, and some of them have not made it through the semester with me. Being a relationally-oriented person, this has been really difficult for me, and my mentor can attest to how many tears have been shed on my part.

Because this past semester has been so difficult, I have felt too tired at times to 'go' to God. It's not that I have been neglecting Him. I still pray. I still listen to my worship music when I get ready in the morning. It has just been more to keep me afloat than to let me dive in and go deeper (not to overkill the cheesy Christian metaphor of diving in :)

Coming into DC, this is where my faith was at. I had approximately 72 hours to get home, finish a paper, pack and be in DC, so processing my semester was not a luxury I could afford. I didn't know if I was ready for my job this summer, and to be completely honest, I was too tired to 'go to Him.'

During our training, I sent out a couple of prayers, nothing too 'deep.' However, God showed me through this couple of prayers, that in His faithfulness, when I'm too tired, He will come to me. I prayed one night for Him to show me one night that I am loved...so the next morning we were led in a devotion about the love of God having no bounds. I prayed for energy because I was exhausted, so the next day I was wasn't tired.

I know they're such small prayer requests, and they're easy for God to answer, but the point is He still did. He was faithful to me, even when I was weak. His strength came through and all I can do is thank Him for that. God showed me this week that when I chose to rely on Him, He will do anything He can to show me He loves me...including come to me. All in all, I can't complain, it was a great lesson to learn as I kick off the summer :)

I'M BACK! :)

First off, I'm back! I mean that in a couple of ways. Yes, I'm back to blogging. I'm also back in DC. It's a long story, but if I want to be completely honest, it's not that complicated...God wanted me back, so He made sure I got here. Now that I am here, I'm already learning more than I was planning on learning. So, in my traditional blogging fashion, please let me share :)

Today, for our staff training, we had to experience the Urban Plunge. If you don't know what it is, I explained it in more detail in my blog entry about the Urban Plunge last year. It's still in my archive's :)

This year, for the Urban Plunge, I was partnered with Taylor and Kat...and we were assigned to the same location in the city that I was assigned to last year. Once I (yet again), got over my fear of experiencing the Urban Plunge, Taylor, Kat and I made it to McPherson Square. One of the reasons that we went to McPherson...despite having been assigned to Franklin, was because I learned last year that one of our ministry sites, Martha's Table, serves food at McPherson Square every night. While we were waiting for Martha's Table to arrive, we noticed a women (Linda), feeding a lot of ducks in the park with some bread she had. We approached her, asking if she knew when Martha's table was coming. After that point, she carried the conversation for the following hour and a half.

In her story, we met her boyfriend, Kevin and heard all about their life stories. Linda experienced so much loss in her life it was amazing she could still function. Her mom died at a young age. Her sister died when Linda was 14, one of her grandmothers died when she was 18 and the other grandmother had been stabbed to death by her grandfather before Linda was born. She had divorced her first husband because he was addicted to cocaine and had taken her money. She is in the process of divorcing her second husband because, despite being blind, he was abusive towards her. She has cerebral palsy and is experiencing PTSD, after having witnessed a man commit suicide by jumping in front of a train that she was sitting in the front seat of.

Kevin's story is just as disturbing. He was abused by his stepfather growing up, and has metal plates in the back of his head to prove it. Eventually, his stepfather was in a fight with his mom, when he hit her, cracking her cheeckbone in and sending her towards the floor. His mom died on impact. Out of anger, Kevin ran to the neighbors house, grabbed a gun and shot his stepfather, paralyzing him. He turned himself in and was sentenced to 15 years in jail, but was released on probation after 3 1/2 years after having experienced severe abuse in jail. He was has since come to DC and is enrolled in therapy, but has been mugged too many times for his liking, and is waiting for Linda to move to North Carolina with him.

As Linda and Kevin were telling us this story, I noticed two things. First of all, I laughed so hard with them that my cheeks hurt. They were absolutely hysterical and had so much joy when they talked about their life together. Secondly, I noticed that I was continually caught off guard with how many people walked by Kevin, Linda, Taylor, Kat and I as we were hearing these stories...simply because they didn't see us.

Genesis 16:13 has one of my favorite passages in scripture. In it, Hagar names God el roi, because He is the God who sees her. All I could think as these strangers were passing by us was, this summer, I have the unique opportunity to see the way that el roi sees. I am actually being paid to see those who think that they cannot be seen, and through this small action, I am acting out the image of God that He has placed in me. One of the traits of himself that He has decided to embed in me is to see those who think that they are not seen, and in this action, I am testifying to the truth of el roi.

My prayer as this summer kicks off is that I would experience my own sort of PTSD...similar to was Linda was talking about, but in a less severe context. In describing her PTSD, Linda was explaining to us how she walks around haunted by the face of the man who committed suicide, because his hurt is an image she cannot erase. My prayer is I would walk around, long after my time in DC, with my memory being embedded with the faces of those I interact with. As I see their hurt, I pray that I would be haunted by their faces so that I can remember that in the midst of their stress, God sees them...just like He will see me as I encounter distress and hurt in the future. I know that for this season, I am being called to be a reminder that the people I talk to are loved by a God of strength who fights them. I hope that as I live out this season, I will be able to remember that I am loved by a God who sees me just as clearly as He sees those that He loves right now.