Justification, Redemption and This Summer

This past spring, our church did a sermon series called Crosswords. It was a series that delved into some of the 'fancy church words' surrounding the crucifixion. It was one of my favorite sermon series that our church has done. The words we tackled in this series were, "Word" "Redemption" "Reconciliation" "Justification" "Sanctification" and "Propitiation." Because I appreciated this series, I decided to listen to it again this past week. So far, I have only listened to Redemption and Justification.

The first word we (Ashley and I) listened to was justification. In the Justification sermon, the first point my Dad emphasizes is that in order for Justification to become a tangible and successful concept, God must be constant. Because of this, His morals are constant throughout time, and his judgment is unchanging. His standards don't ever change.

The next word we listened to was redemption. In the redemption sermon, there was a point that stuck out very clearly to me. Dad gave an example of the 'Debtors Prison' that existed during Charles Dicken's time. This was an awful institution in which members of society living in debt were imprisoned because they owed money. The dilemma is that individuals were sent to prison because they were in debt, yet they could not pay off their debt because they were in prison.

The debtors prison was a cycle in which despair succeeded and hope was lost for the people living in this institution. As I was hearing Dad describe the debtors prison, it began to sound oddly familiar to me. It slowly dawned on me that the homeless population that I am learning to love is modern day equivalent to the debtors prison. They are trapped in an institution that is bound to the cycle of poverty, and is almost impossible to break. Just as it was easy to make a quick mistake and be in debt, then thrown in prison, the same can be spoken on in reference to homelessness.

The fact that this broken downward cycle of poverty is still the same in our modern day society, just as it existed in Charles Dickens day is depressing, to say the least. But...there's a positive side as well :)

This cycle of poverty has continued throughout a long period of time, and has remained consistent. On the flip side, just like the justification sermon states, our God has continued throughout a long period of time, and has remained consistent as well. As I was thinking through this, I was so encouraged. At times, when I am talking to people who are broken and destitute, it can be a temptation to be very discouraged. But, I am so encouraged in knowing that as long as there is this cycle of brokenness, there is always going to be my God on the other side. He will always work as a balance to the brokenness that exists, because he is constant. Because of that, I know that I can go about my days knowing that just as he always has, my God will always continue to be there to balance out the brokenness :)

Welcome to My Mind

For anyone that has been reading my blog...I apologize ahead of time for this post. I don't have any 'deep thoughts' or observations to record and share today. I had originally intended for this blog to be a sort of online journal, where I could sort out my thoughts...which is what I will do today :) If you care to venture into my mind with me, and are brave enough to try to follow my train of thoughts, I have to give you the appropriate kudos.

For my devotions today, I read Exodus 33:12-20. I didn't have any sort of pre-written devotional to guide me through this time. To begin, I was interested in reading a passage that demonstrated a biblical figure who struggled with following the ways of the Lord. When I looked in the index, I discovered this passage in Exodus. It was nothing complicated. This passage just seemed to be a small passage that I could read, pray over and (attempt to) learn from.

Before I share what I learned, let me provide a background to where I was coming from, for my own memories sake. Anyone that knows me, know that I have ALWAYS loved the idea of marriage. Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to be married and be a wife. I know how stereotypical, 'christian-girl' this sounds. Regardless of whether I am only fueling the stereotype or not, I can always remember wanting to be married. Yes, I dream about my wedding day. Even more than my wedding day, I dream about the regularity of marriage. I know that marriage is difficult, complicated, hard and tiring. Yes, for some reason, I can't resist the desire to be married. I can not wait to find 'that person' and to have someone to share my every day with. That deep friendship, partnership and comradery is something that I have always looked forward to.

The flip side to this is that it carries with it my biggest fear. This may sound shallow, but my biggest fear is that there isn't going to be anyone who will want to love me. In every other area of my life, I have always been able to trust that God will provide. For some reason, I still have this underlying fear that I will be left by myself.

I typically do not share this fear because I feel young and quite frankly, stupid vocalizing this fear. The reason I am thinking about it now is because one of the interns at a ministry site that CSM partners with has recently started calling me out. I never spoke of this fear to anyone on staff, and most certainly not this intern. Yet, as I worked with them every day last week they persisted in approaching me and telling me that they 'felt I was afraid of not finding someone who would love me.' I'm still not sure how I feel...to be honest, it creeped me out a little. And despite my efforts to dismiss them, or tell them they were crazy, they persisted. At the very least, I caved in and agreed to at least think through this fear.

With this basis, I read Exodus 33. It is aptly titled "Moses and the Glory of the LORD." In this selection, the verses that resonated with me were 12-14. In 12, Moses is having a discussion with the Lord. He speaks to the Lord and vocalizes that he is troubled because he knows that he has found favor with the Lord. Despite this favor, he still does not know who the Lord wants to send with Moses on his journey. In verse 14, the Lord responds by saying that "My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest"

This verse may not sound like a clear cut answer to my fear. Yet, it addressed my fears enough that I can comfortably say that I have peace. Right now, I do not know when I will date. The only thing I know for sure is that I am supposed to be in DC. Yet, I can relate with Moses enough that I am brought peace. I know that I am living in the plans the Lord has carved for my life. I know that everyday, I am intentionally pursuing a relationship with my God. I am also sure that God knows the desires he has placed in my heart. Because he is a loving God, he will not deny me those desires, he will just let them happen in his timing. The Lord's presence will go with me. I am confident of that. And just as Moses showed that the Lords presence was his rest, I can live confidently knowing that the Lord's presence is my rest as well.

My Reality Check

About two months ago, I found out that I would be working in DC this summer. After I had gotten home from college for the summer, I was driving around with my mom one day. I realized I would be in DC for the 4th of July and turned to ask my mom what I should do to celebrate the holiday. She patiently reminded me that I would be IN the nations capital to celebrate our nations independence, and it might be appropriate to celebrate the holiday in the city. Clearly...I don't always think before I speak :)

This past weekend, I finally got that opportunity to be in DC for the 4th. Incase I didn't realize before...that specific holiday is kind of a big deal around here :) The picture on the right is a picture I took from my phone of the fireworks we watched on the National Mall. This was one of the smaller fireworks. All I can say is that the entire experience was breathtaking. There were festivals going on, the Smithsonian hours were extended, the Capitol hosted a concert that was great and the day concluded with fireworks over the Lincoln Memorial that were (literally) larger than the Washington Monument. After serving in the city, it was such a great break to be able to be a tourist and enjoy the festivities that the city provided.

After the concert at the Capitol, most of the staff took a public bus back to the church. We were sitting at the bus stop and laughing so hard, I almost cried. As we were enjoying this time, I looked about a hundred feet to my left. It was night time, and at first, I only saw a highway overpass. When I did a double-take, I saw movement under the overpass. Looking closely, I noticed a man moving around. All of a sudden, I understood. He was preparing his bed for the night. He had a bed that he was going to lay on, and he was moving his makeshift pillows to create a more comfortable area where he could rest his head.

As I took this in, my heart broke. All of the celebrations that we had just enjoyed were pushed to the back of my mind, and I was so sad for this man. It was a visual I don't think I will forget. My thoughts as I reflected on this sight were that I could not be sad. I could only learn from this visual. It was a remarkable lesson to me that my ministry should not ever take a break. It is not wrong for me to enjoy a holiday. It is also not right for me to live irresponsibly with the knowledge I now have of the injustice that daily takes place. I was allowed a break on the fourth to enjoy the company of the staff and friends I am allowed to work with this summer. As much as God allowed that time for me, and enjoyed our fellowship, I am confident that his heart also broke as he watched that man prepare his bed that night.

Needless to say, I know that I can not live with regret at the sight that I saw. I can learn from it, and be appreciative that God selected me at that moment to teach me a lesson. It is something I greatly appreciated and will be intentional in not forgetting.

(Yet Another) Curveball

I am absolutely convinced that I might be one of God's biggest amusements. Let me explain :)

This week, I don't have a group. I'm still technically 'on-call,' and my official title is 'a floater.' What does this entail? There are 3 hosts at Star (the church we're staying at) this week, and they are co-hosting one big group from Michigan. There are 3 more hosts that are living at different CSM sites in the city and hosting there own groups. Then there's Ashley and I. We are still living at Star. We just don't have groups that we can host and bring around the city.

When I was first informed that I had the week (for the most part) off, I was kind of flustered. I signed up to work this summer. I didn't know what I was going to do with my next 5 days. I am comfortable hosting, and I love my job. It makes me excited, and even though there's always twists and turns, I know what to expect. Yet again, I became comfortable with where I was, and God stripped me of that.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. As I go about this coming week, I don't really know what to expect. I don't have a schedule planned out for me. I won't have the luxury of knowing what work sites I will be at during any given day. I do know this is a week where I will learn. I also know that God had this planned all along. He knew that I would become comfortable hosting groups. He also knew that he would have to give me a week without a group, so that I could be reminded of why I am here.

I'm not here to serve the groups that I host. I'm not even here to serve the city of Washington DC. I'm here to serve my God. The context of serving him, and the people I serve may change at any given instance, but the God I am serving will remain constant. That is a promise I can speak of and know will remain true. God has called me to serve him, and in doing that, he has called me to serve those that are closest to me. Last week, this meant that I was supposed to serve my Texas group, and the sites I attended. This week, I am called to spend time with God and serve the staff. They are who God has placed closest to me for this time, and they are who I will serve.

To sum it up, God is ironic, and never bores me. I'm ALWAYS learning from him. On the flip side, I'm sure my reactions never bore him either :)

The Little Things

Our staff meetings are usually on Sunday afternoons at 2 pm, and we meet until groups start to arrive around 4 pm. This week, after our official staff meeting was over, I found out that I don't have a group (that story calls for another post :). BUT, I did get a wonderful surprise at the same time.

In the picture at the top of this post, is...another picture. If you look closely, it's a framed picture with writing around the framework. The picture is me, stuck in the middle of my Texas group from last week, sitting in front of Ben's Chili Bowl. This picture was taken on our free night. Free night, last week was on Thursday night. This is usually a time when the youth group will go out into the city to have a turn as tourists. It's also a time for the CSM to have a night to relax, and 'recharge' ourselves.

However, last week, I enjoyed this group so much that, when they asked if I would spend my free night with them, I had to say yes. They went to Ben's for dinner, and I joined, with one of the other hosts from the staff this summer. This dinner was one of my favorite memories from this summer so far. There were 16 of us total, and I think at least half of us laughed so hard we cried. There were no big lessons learned, or any specific 'God-moments.' It was just a time of joy and celebration. It was such a pure demonstration to me of Christian community, where we could laugh and enjoy a GREAT meal together. At the end of the meal, we took a group picture in front of Ben's, but I never thought I'd be able to see that picture.

After our staff meeting, I heard voices in our hallway. I walked out to the hallway, and my group was there. They had stayed the weekend to celebrate the 4th of July, and I met up with them yesterday to spend more time with them. Today, they came back to the church to drop off this picture. They told me that they had printed up the picture and signed the frame so that I could remember my week with them.

This was such a small act of kindness. But, I can't explain how much it really meant to me. I was so moved that they would put this effort in. I wouldn't have wanted any other gift from them. I didn't expect this frame, but I can promise I will cherish it. It was such an encouragement to me to have a physical reminder of my group from Texas. Their words of encouragement were amazing to me. All that I could respond with was a thank you, and a promise that this frame will DEFINITELY be going up in my dorm :)